The Correct Opinion

The Royal Family

Now any right-thinking person would reject the absurd anachronism that is the House of Windsor - so far so predictable. I've covered this elsewhere but hey, I'm consolidating. If we must have royalty then they are best when they are at least entertaining. So let's forget the Queen and Princess Anne with all her worthy work for charity. The real draw, the top dog, must be Prince Philip. The man's a nonsense and you make a fool of yourself if you take his faux pas too seriously: he's an irrelevance. But I say, "keep on trucking, Phil, you're the only one who ever puts a smile on my face." (This is also why Harry is better than William. Obviously.)

Falkland Islands/Las Malvinas/Whatever

Silly, silly, silly. Not worth it. Could have moved all the Falklanders over and given them mansions for the money it cost. I'm all for grand gestures and waste - I'd rather live in a world which produced Concorde, sent people to the moon and educates people in silly arts and social science subjects than one where everything was ruthlessly efficient. There's nothing as magnificent and romantic as a folly. However, I prefer my follies not to involve people dying. Yes, of course Argentina was "wrong" to invade, and in a world of infinite resources and immortality I'd say the war was worth it. But we don't live in that world, so it was foolish and wasteful. And it won Thatcher the election.

Milk Snatcher

This is really simple...

For all her supposed love of the individual, she sure was a big fan of The Man.

That's mainly it, but please note the following:

1) Her supposed economic successes are overrated.
2) Not everything she did was bad - phone calls are cheaper now, for instance.
3) If for nothing else, her impassioned defence of Pinochet when he was arrested will forever mark her as having a streak of evil (yes, I did say "evil") cynicism that is quite staggering. See also: Malcolm Rifkind.

Isn’t it time we stopped thinking about a Middle East “Problem” and thought of it as a “Middle East Culture”?

I was going to just say, “Fuck them. Both sides. They’re doing it for attention. If we all ignored them (including the giving of aid and trade) and said, ‘listen, we’re bored of all this. You obviously can’t be trusted to be sensible about this situation so fuck you both. We’ll be back when you get it sorted out, let us know what you come up with.’ then we can stop worrying about it.” I don’t think that’s particularly helpful though so…

Confused about that whole Israeli-Palestinian thing? Let me help you:

1) The rights and wrongs of the establishment of the state of Israel are largely irrelevant. Fact is, there are now third generation Israelis. They’re not going anywhere.

2) There has always been a Jewish presence in the region.

3) Zionism, the movement of Jewish people to a God-given homeland is more than a century old and so was happening long before 1947.

4) This is a false dichotomy. There is a spectrum of Ashkenazi, Sephardim, Druze, Christian Arabs, Bedduin, Reform Jews, Ultra-Orthodox, Palestinian Muslims, Ba’Hai, recent immigrants from the former Soviet block… it goes on and on.

5) The Arabs are undeniably discriminated against and marginalised in their “own country”.

6) Israeli boasts about the advances in irrigation they have achieved are disingenuous. Without mass immigration there would have been no need for better agriculture in a country which is largely made up of desert.

7) Suicide bombings have brought the war to the Israelis more effectively than anything else in the last forty years.

8) Suicide bombings are reprehensible.

9) Attacks on soldiers in the West Bank and Gaza strip can be justified as legitimate action against an occupying power.

10) These soldiers are conscripts and probably younger than you are.

11) Leaders on both sides have an interest in perpetuating conflict to shore up their positions.

12) Disputes between peoples who each think that God is on their side are a world of pain. A World of Pain. Both sides (reducing this to two opposing views for a second) are stupid and irrational. Obviously there needs to be Palestinian sovereignity, obviously Israel is going to remain where it is, obviously they need to live in parallel, obviously, obviously, obviously… Now if everyone else just said this to them, “this is the way it has to be, and if you don’t agree, that’s fine, but don’t expect any aid or to trade with us,” how long do you think the problem would remain?

The Euro

You can attack or support this from the left and the right. Tying ideas of national identity (shhhhh!) to tokens used for exchange that we happen to call “pounds” is, I think, a mistake. The economic arguments are finely balanced and in truth, no one can really predict if it’d be “a good thing”. It seems to come down to whether or not you think it’s worth the risk. Personally, I think it’s all a bit of an adventure so I’d go with it, even if it doesn’t work out society’s not going to crumble and we could go back if necessary.

Anti-Americanism

Just a little bit more tedious than hating the French.

Fox Hunting

It's only a few foxes. We'll worry about them when we get everything else sorted out, eh?

"But, but, but, but..." or "How I can reconcile a rejection of national pride with sort of supporting England at football."

I first started pretending to like football when I was about sixteen. In the last ten years I have seen players breaking through from the youth sides (particularly the "Fergie Fledglings") and establish themselves as seasoned internationals. Following their progress, seeing them being interviewed and disgracing themselves all over the tabloids has (erroneously) made me feel some sort of personal connection with them - that I in some way know, and indeed like, them. This has led to me wanting the best for them. I like it when they win football games because it'll make them happy. I would like them to win Euro 2004 because they would feel it was a great achievement. "Hey look! It's Nicky Butt holding the trophy! I remember when he was nineteen! Aaaahhh. Sweet." I support them as a group of individuals, not as representatives of my proud motherland. I couldn't even be bothered pretending to like rugby, so the recent World Cup final left me fairly cold, other than a vague feeling that it was a nice thing because it would cheer my Dad up. This also goes for all other sports and any other England football team, the under-21s et al. In fact, I wouldn't really care about an England senior team made up of Alan Thomson, Chris Kirkland, Alan Smith and others of their ilk, as I would feel that they were strangers and their accomplishments would seem irrelevant.

St George's Day

St George’s Day is apparently almost upon us so brace yourself for a rash of tedious articles and opinion pieces on why don’t the English celebrate our culture in the way the Scots and Irish do? and what do we have to hide? and it’s political correctness gone mad and I’m buying a flag and you know the rest. Unsurprisingly, this is all nonsense and coming at the issue from *exactly* the wrong angle. The question we should be asking is, “what exactly is it that the Scots, Welsh and Irish have to be so proud of that they need a day to celebrate?” The idea of commemorating nationality is absurd in the first place, I’m happy that people who live in England don’t seem to feel the need to shout about it.

Please note, I’m not just taking a cheap shot at my fellow Britons. Wherever you’re from, whatever colour you are or culture you have, being proud of it is ridiculous. (Being ashamed of it is, of course, equally foolish.) Culture is there to be enjoyed and appreciated, but unless you invent a dance or write a song, I see little reason for self-glorification.

I can make some allowances for independence days as these are national celebrations tied to an idea separate from being born in a particular place - democracy, liberty, whatever. At least these mean something, rather than a eulogizing of some vague concept of Englishness. So let these days go by with the minimum of fuss. Wear a flower in your buttonhole if you need an excuse for it, that's not done enough nowadays and is always welcome.